-

epic dream...chopping up at the uni lake with bek and a woman in a car like marks parents with a warehouse shopper in the back pointing a gun at us

bek disappears

being held somewhere, cold building 'you have to take your clothes off so we can get a better look' cold steel

i can't remember.

-

i feel ok but slightly confused and a little a little a little

tired?

no

and becuse i think about songs that got voiced yesterday

-

and i worry about names that aren't myne

and that are familiar in not so nice ways

threatened

irrational..

and i think well it's been months now

-

and if i'm moving and i'll have brand new hair and i think i need a brand new personality and brand new motivation and brand new stories and a brand new absolutely everything

getting a little wrapped up in the possibilities and really not paying attention to the odds, predictions

in the time it takes to break it she could make up ten excuses?

(never defeated, i'm broken inside)

and another week starting

all the same

moneys on it's way, once i get it i'll book a plane ticket (yes i'm leaving on a jet plane)

i have to start some things over

and as real live parts of eachothers life i imagine it would be disastrous

for some reason

maybe that vicious sky..

-

it looks like summer but it usually takes a couple of hours before i notice

(so deep, so cool)

hmm the sum of it all

..see you again

-

ahhh i could be your honey, let it go, there it goes

-

and like i should just be some lovely graceful creature in long long gowns flying up through a whirlwind of colour swirls and black

because thats not realistic

-

amanda, this weekend? even if you can't can you get me some

something something

-

i was all good, all ok

all wow it's so nice to be able to masturbate for half an hour before i get out of bed if i want to

but then something that i shouldn't have even layed eyes unnerved me a little

and it shouldn't

sleep to lie

-

since i first met you

-

burn through it all

ah just spurting out lyrics

i find, the love i lost (just like you)

that means nothing at all.

the music reminds me of sydney.

and reminds me of a day when i played this one song on repeat for hours and couldn't get out of bed and and and..i see you again

just stop dear.

-

i wish i could.

-

i wish i could sit down and write it all out of me.

somebody chop my head off? it's no good to me, no good at all

-

and i need to eat minimal amounts this week

this was inevitable.

-

it's ok i'll be leaving soon.

cut everything out.

nothing feels right today. except for the masturbating.

i can't control my own urges

i should practice more self discipline

i get worried and scared

i don't like the sensations

tears spilt on bus seats

stickers licked on lunchbox lids

stars racing to burn out

we're all aiming for the same final destination

i wonder if i beg hard enough will i get one......more

you shouldn't want things like that

(forever testing your intentions)

like i put a claim on you and feel as though i'm worthy of some sort of ownership

how fucking ridiculous

how fucking

well

shit jess

that is quite typical.

you're a fucking idiot.

have a nice day.

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