oh, bad start

anyway

-

the girl

hmmm (mmmm) the girl the girl...

i'm going to keep rather quiet (my own paranoia) but really..i noticed a little shaking after she left the first time

and well..funny smiles. and

and and

hmm the girl

heaven is a word.

-----------

TAKE ME AWAY

because i will need saving, from myself

well there's nothing really, stop staring

feeling a little pixie-esque these last few days if i were to be honest (oh!)

i'm not a river..

i even danced around in my pretty red/pink vintage skirt and no top the other day

(prone to bleeding..i realised..and i like to stretch my arms out alot mid conversation, wrists out..funny isn't it)

and a rush of relief that comes with big fast flows (no no no, you've got it all wrong, i'm talking about )

and all spaced out i steal alot of chocolate from work these days washed out and drained she said, washed out and drained

the first part of the day was strange

the second is maybe even stranger

there are some serious eggshells on the floor in this house

for months, i DESPISE it

really.

-

no sense of timing

my spam now asks me how i am

i think i preferred the jibberish

-

and well, you've got my number you know.

-

the girl..

is (hmmm oh my)

no, i won't

feels like i'm obsolete

i don't know

..makes me all

interested

and excitable

all yes please.

-

borderline reckless i said. give me a piece of glass and a shotgun.

(she says i could be what you want me to be but that wouldn't mean that much to me.)

and i just Like it.

-

there's a certain something that i think is working in my favour

why does it all feel like some sort of battle

(oh because it is)

hmm remember narcissism?

are you waking up? i got nothin

-

i have this amazing backache and stomach cramps from hell and sore fucking feet

and no colour in my face and i'm buying pale pink and black nailpolish this week.

and i'm taking my grandparents flowers.

(are you waiting)

there's a high chance that the next time i see one of them will be

well, when they're not really up for conversation..or breathing

and they've lived 20 minutes walk away for is it 3 years?

oh, bad grandchildren

-

I WANT

reality i can't escape from. thats not something mind shattering like all the ones i seem to present myself with are.

i want someone or something to just go FUCKING, HERE! and smack me with something that jolts me into life and that umm, oh, whats that thing called..

motivaaaaaation..yeah, someone kick some of that into me

ambition even! hahahahaha

oh somebody screw my head on a little tighter and tweak the knobs in there so that we can regain a sense of normalcy and a ahhh..less distorted transmition

somebody rearrange my insides. and my outsides. every side.

i remember walking up concrete steps. i should look that up.

-

giving away pieces of me.

free to a good home. don't feed it for awhile and it will make a nice coffee table conversation piece. oh it's a weird girls forearm.

my sisters got one of the legs.

i'm getting my mum a jessica flesh finger bracelet for her birthday. there's only five of them in the whole world. she'll dig it.

go on. sell them in the happy vagina giftstore. make sure the baby goats don't eat them. hmm each one comes with a free gift voucher.

oh dear

iodine red.

the nothing nowhere.

i swear i'm going to try and dive into life shortly. if i don't suceed, i deserve to die.

hey did i mention i'm really happy tonight..pixie-esque.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next