and i feel so wiped out of myself it's made me incredibly umcomfortable just breathing so i opened this page and i'm just going to hang out for awhile until it passes

i am starting to feel better already.

work is so strange. maybe sometimes i take too much notice

or or or

or look to closely at with strange swuif (skewiff? am i making up a word here..i swear i've heard it somewhere) vision

peoples Attitudes and relationships, and the way

gossip and bitchy opinios are dropped so freely

what do you say about me i wonder

there's never Anything good

and maybe my boss is going through menopause or something, or maybe that business is going down the drain

i think it is you know. (everybody does)

and everybody's 'getting out'

(here for now she says..yes yes yes)

YOU ARE HERE

oh she's just so good

-

you know how often have you sat and contemplated that whole thing of people being like drugs.

about..about how certain people really do just jump into your system and alter everything

shameless addict or....i don't know

definitely not medicinal purposes.

ah stupid streams, nevermind

he's got a really beautiful heart. it was hard to type that without some strange kind of hardness coming over my own (momentarily, i think)

maybe a couple of months ago, i bought a book that wasn't for me

it was a war book

i sent it today.

with just a smile (typo, i'll leave it though..) Small 'here's a book, enjoy' friendly kind of note (a page long..it was a small page..green ink. it just happened like that but now that i think of it, i'm glad because the eyes that will roll over it..(oh how lovely that..since the time my eyes rolled over it, until it gets to you, those words will just be sitting there folded up in the dark, waiting for you..like maybe they kept...something of me..damn sorry, i lost the ending)

appreciate the colour.

hmm oh, timing..ani, fuck..round about 2:34 on serpentine..uh huh

hmm 4:18..she just wrps me up see

so ahh..what was i saying?

like it's ever mattered before...like anything means anything

huge amount of diary entries, i won't be able to update this much in..such a short while

well maybe..shameless addict maybe

"i need the attention"

i need the..the blank page that listens to my pointless shit

-

and you know..i could almost...reply to some things

i don't know.

i can't bring myself to though

abandon that.

-

i was quite ready to close up the other night but thought i'd wait

until morning..but nice things, nice things

-

my thoughts just all feel really heavy, weighty

not as in

as in physical weight. like..if you could FEEL a thought riding through your brain..the hundreds of thoughts even, triggering one another..can you imagine, oh i think i just discovered a new favourite thought

can you imagine...not for your whole life, not as something that is as mundane to you as every movement you make from the moment you wake up every day

but if right now, you could really Feel (welcome to) you could really feel (i'm so stoned) every thought, as...hmm sparks? i'm too stoned to explain this, but i'll remember it

and try again some other day

wow..with that i'm off to think about it while staring at home and away

but first i'll listen to the end of this song.

you don't have to play along.

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