-

i have nailpolish on.

all twenty nails.

for the first time in years (years!)

-

i was ok and then my mum called and started on this

wouldn't you maybe like to go to brisbane instead tangent

mm, big mistake

-

and me and tori

are having this amazing reuinion.

little earthquakes girls.

(tori and i, sorry)

-

i'm full of want.

i'm so curious about the reception my little package recieved

-

everything and nothing, simultaneously

-

so full of want.

i even watched a whole incubus film clip because..he has the same kind of hair

and if you stare long enough, same lips

(everyone elses girl..hmm)

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and i know that it's happened.

theres a chance i won't hear from benny again.

for awhile at least, no doubt there'll be a hi wow, how ARE you call at some point

or maybe he'll sign in any moment, i know nothing for certain

but if it should happen that he doesn't..it's ok

this miss stacey

will make him so very happy. will..change his life and make him grow and be just..perfect and beautiful and he will feel so content and happy with life

how can i..how could i be

how could i not be happy for him? really

-

i'm a little disappointed, but we had something so amazing anyway, and for..so long

so very very lucky.

thank you thank you thank you

i genuinely hope that everything goes really well for him and stacey.

he and i wouldn't have worked out, not that we don't have the potential to..hmm hang on, not that we couldn't, not that we're not..lovely for eachother

but i think..maybe i'm at this silly stage..where i shouldn't really be too involved with something big like that, i'm too unsure of where i'm heading and what everything means and why it's all happening this way

aand too stunted in my communication (believe it or not)

i'd just stuff everything up, and hurt people in the process and well...see, nobody needs that

maybe one day..maybe nothing, something

-

these precious things

hmm, anthem.

-

i cried when i woke up today. only just, just one tear..but i was so sad for a little while

i can't remember why

then i jumped out of bed and got really productive.

well, for me..i washed my hair

then got into a cleaning zone, called in sick to work

totally unnecessary and a stupid thing to do but i'm glad i did.

and amanda...lovely, but quiet

-

it's a nice feeling.

to remember. to have such pretty things in your heart.

and to know things..funny little things.

to have heard things, seen things

to call on, whenever they're needed..as a distraction, or a comfort...or when looking for answers even, looking to make some sense

you raised your hand for the assignment.

-

"what a joy there is in living"

-

i'd like to just be held.

there are a couple of people

who know things.

who i want to hold.

just to know, to be able to

ahh just to hold.

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i remember

when every inch of my skin felt as sensitive to touch as

well, since i can't think of another way of saying this, as sensitive to touch as my clitoris

(that sort of ruined the mood)

and yours too.

-

.....somebody leave the light on

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